Saturday, August 27, 2011

Me a blogger?

I have to start out by admitting that I cannot believe I am writing a blog on breast cancer. I am not one who is big on self pity, but the thought of others looking on with pity is, well let’s just say less than desirable to me. I wanted people to see me for who I was, not a tragic young woman faced with breast cancer.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I read everything I could get my hands on, EXCEPT blogs. I should admit as well that I am the type of person that has to compartmentalize my life. I’m not saying that I don’t recognize areas of my life that overlap, but when I am faced with something that I find stressful or downright overwhelming, I do better to put them into neat little packages and deal with them as I can.

Knowledge is power; I read that in several different places as I researched and hunted, and I can say in the case of cancer, it is. So this became the label for my package. I found I could read and learn if I approached it as though I was researching breast cancer for a project. I was gathering information, meeting with doctors and asking them about what I read, but I was keeping myself out of the equation. When I would wonder onto a blog and read personal stories, I could not keep it from connecting to me and then I was no good to even myself.

As much as you feel like your life has come to a standstill, it really keeps on moving. Just now it’s whizzing past you and you feel as though you are in a strange scene from a movie. You know the one I mean; you are in the center of the screen, complete focus on you, but all the images and people around you are a blur as they come and go. So again for me I could put the lid on my package for a few days and function as a mom and wife.

Here I am 6 months after completing the final part of my treatment and realizing that it’s time to deal with the emotional side of my cancer. I handle emotional stress by staying busy and focusing on someone other than myself. This is where the blog thing comes in. If I can share any of the knowledge I gained with others who are faced with breast cancer and make their burden somehow lighter, then I can heal myself along the way. That may sound a bit selfish, but not really. We have to heal our bodies and our hearts, AND if there is anything I've learned through this experience is, it’s OK to let others help you. 

I am not my cancer, but it has certainly affected who I am today.  I want people to see me for who I am, and now that includes breast cancer.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...