Living A Life, Sort of...

Yesterday I went for my 6 month check-up, and yes everything went well.  I know that may not be as full of excitement as it should be, I am extremely grateful.  But I also realized something, something I'm not sure how to really explain or how to repair.

I realized as I sat there with my husband and my oncologist, I was wasting my time.  My life and the precious gift that has been given to me.  I have completely wasted 8 years.  Not because good things didn't happen in those eight years, but because I didn't choose to live.  I didn't choose to do anything during those eight years.  I mean I was ridiculously busy. I was busy trying to be a "good" mom.  I was busy trying to forget I had cancer.  I was busy trying to not be defined by my cancer.  I was busy being really angry.  I was busy being mad at my husband for finding an outlet to all of this aftermath and leaving me behind.  I was busy trying to be a good wife (because it was really selfish of me to be angry with him).  I was busy trying to find a new direction, a new me - which really sucks because I liked who I used to be and well I don't even know who I am so much, still.  I thought for sure by now I would have just really found a new groove. Not so much! I hate that.  I could keep going here and in my head I did, but it all seems the same - me lamenting over what used to be and just isn't. Wanting to blame someone, make them to be held responsible and fix this mess. 

But there is no one to blame, not even myself. The Lord and I are the only ones who can fix this.  I just don't really know how.  I have started things, I have served, I have pushed myself beyond my own strength.  And yet I am still over here floundering, wondering what I am not getting right.  And why everything, absolutely everything, must be so damn hard. I know it sounds like I feel pretty sorry for myself - sometimes I think if I actually would have allowed myself to feel sorry for myself and embrace that feeling, I would have perhaps been kinder to myself and healed better.  But I am not wired to feel sorry for myself so I pushed and pushed, and worked - I worked so hard.  Now I just feel exhausted.  Busy trying to live and somehow not...because most of all I realize I was busy being afraid.

Afraid.  I know what I'm afraid of...AND IT's A LOT OF STUFF.  "Holy crap, seriously!" - this is what I think to myself.  When did I become the person who's head will just not shut up.  There are so many voices in my head! Yes I am still sane - I just remember and contemplate way too many things.  I was never fearless, I had a good since of safety zones, but I wasn't afraid.  I wanted to experience life in all it's glory.  I wanted to push myself, try new things. I wanted my little family to just go and experience all we could...I knew it wouldn't all be picture perfect but I didn't think about it that much, I just trusted and had faith it would all work out. AND it did.  God where did that woman go?  I miss her! I miss her so much.

I haven't lost my faith, but I have let fear rule me.  I big part of me feels like I've lost my way because of all the voices - the things people tell me, some good and all with love and concern for me.  But it has been really hard to hear my own voice.  My inner voice - which is a good voice.  It knows what I need.  It loves me.  I feel it more now than I hear it.  But I want to hear it and I want to stop being afraid.

Almost a year...

Really?! I cannot believe it has been so long since I have written a post.  I guess that could be a good thing - life is certainly getting back to normal.

As I looked at the blog and realized my last post was almost a year ago - I couldn't help but think "WOW!"  I just put this year's meet on my calendar - October 15.

So of course it made me reflect on this past year and I am very happy to say that it has been a good year for my family and I.  My son is growing into an amazing young man and turned 15 this year.  We finally took that roadtrip we have talked about for years (you can see some fun photos here).  I have made it another year past my surgery date (this is the one I base my time off of - I can remember it) and am working toward my five year mark. My sweet husband and I had our twentieth anniversary (that is a big deal - applause). I am teaching art a couple days a week in a local studio and that has been a lot of fun (you can see that here).  Yes in deed - It has been a very good year.

Health wise - I am feeling pretty good.  Side effects from various things seem to be creeping up and creating issues, but I will save that for another post.  My next big scans are scheduled for October 14 - so with mcuh anticipation and fingers crossed, that too will go well.

SWIMMERS...Getting Wet to Save the Set

I have to say this month has been full of all sorts of fundraisers, various calls for Breast Cancer support, school support, etc. BUT when my son brought this home I thought "How Fun!"

University, DeLand, & Atlantic High Schools

SWIMMERS

Getting Wet to Save the Set

My son currently swims with his High School Swim Team and they are participating in a special  swim meet on October 8 where all the proceeds go to our local Cancer Center. Obviously this is near and dear to me on a variety of levels - I want to support my son and his swim team, but I feel so honored that they are swimming to support survivors and raise money to continue the efforts.

DHS Swim Team Logo

"C" is for...

 is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation.

(According to Wikipedia.)

Yep, it takes lots of this my friends!

But we can have courage to move forward in our lives 

- we just have to believe we can do it & appreciate where we are in our journey.

"B" is for...

So many things in life are intangible; we can't see the air but we know it's there, we can feel it on our face, we can watch its effects as it moves through the trees. And yet there are still so many things that we may not know or have answers for but we can BELIEVE.

Believe in Ourselves.

Believe in the love of Others.

Believe that Things WILL Work Out.

Believe that we can be better tomorrow than we are today.

We can Believe!

"A" is for....

What a good word - right?!  I think we all could have more appreciation of the good things we have in life.  Lately I have been experiencing a lot of overwhelming moments in my life (I'm going to blame it on my new hormone therapy) and I could certainly make quite a list for you, BUT like I said - I am going to try to forget them and focus on the good stuff.

I love my husband - he is so good to me.

I love my son - he is so kind to me.

I have an AMAZING family.

I need to appreciate them more!

I need to appreciate all the wonderful things
I can do & stop feeling sorry for myself over what I can't do.

Yep, I like this word!

Just for Fun!

I keep myself pretty busy, but every now and again I have some free time and I try to catch up on family and friends.  As I was reading the latest blog entry at Knee Deep in Grace, my Aunt shared something she is working on, taken from another blogger's challenge - Blogging through the Alphabet.  I thought that was a really fun idea.  However I am not sure I can take on the challenge and accomplish it the way it was intended.  But I really wanted to do it - so I thought I would give it a shot, just keep it simple and do on my own here.

Here goes - for "A" I am going with.....

Breast Reconstruction - Part 2

Today I met with a plastic surgeon at Mayo Clinic to discuss some specifics of options available to me for breast reconstruction.  I have researched this quite a bit in the past - kinda keep pulling this package of the shelf to check on, get a little overwhelmed and decide to put it back.

About six months ago I met with my breast surgeon and she actually made the appointment for me, just to answer some questions I had.  You see it is really weird, hard, confusing, and a variety of other descriptive words - you feel like life is moving along, your feeling pretty good about things, thinking you can maybe handle doing this; I mean after all it would be nice to have breasts again, I think. Then you think some more and well me, I talk myself right out of doing anything (maybe not you).  So it was a good thing I just had to show up and ask questions.

My options were for the most part the same, however my radiated skin was looking pretty good and he felt as though it could be successful to do an expander followed by an implant.  This was big news!  Up to this point I didn't have this option.  Of course I was warned that the skin could be difficult, could form an infection, then everything would have to come out, wait to heel up and start all over. So that just sounds super appealing, but compared to 10 hours of surgery, 3-5 days in the hospital, and a lot of scaring - maybe it wasn't sounding awful.

Seriously though, I had a very good surgeon who listened to my concerns, asked me questions about my lifestyle - what I did and didn't do; all to help determine which would be the best option for me.  When I expressed my fear of another major surgery, he completely understood.  I finally feel like I am able to live my life pretty similar to what I had before my cancer - to start over or limit my abilities to do things I enjoy for 8 months or even the rest of my life is really a tough decision. I know it may seem like a no brainer, but not really.  I think the hardest part of the experience is the emotional heeling that has to take place in your life.

Sometimes I feel very frustrated with my options, and then I am reminded like today..."We don't have a lot of women (with my advanced stage of cancer) in your situation, most of them don't make it this far." 

Then I am quickly reminded of just how blessed I am!

Here are a few links that you may find helpful when looking at breast reconstruction as well as what to talk to your plastic surgeon about.

American Cancer Society - Breast Reconstruction
Breast Reconstruction.org
American Society of Plastic Surgeons

I'm still here!

I must say I have not been very good with posting much lately, but I am happy to report that "I am still here" and doing really well.

This Valentine's day, February 14, 2013, was my two year mark for having completed all of my cancer treatments.  I am so excited - mostly because I finally feel like I am getting back to a remotely normal life again.  I'm not saying that I don't still have twenty pounds to loose and get tired much faster than I used too, but hey - I'm happy and enjoying my busy life with my husband and almost fourteen year old son.

This past month I have started a whole new phase of my ongoing treatments - what does that mean?  I have a whole lot of research to do and share.

First Things First

I must say - I feel as though I have failed my readers who may be experiencing cancer themselves by one important issue.  That is to say I have shared my experiences with you very randomly, 

but if you are starting out on your own journey with cancer

you need to know what is most important and how to put...

FIRST THINGS FIRST

I am approaching my third year since all of this cancer stuff began and I must say parts of it have been a serious learning curve - while other aspects where simply by the grace of God I was placed in the right place at the right time AND with the right doctors. 

I was given books, bought books, and read, read, read...

In all of those books the most important thing it discusses is setting up your medical team.

It is the FIRST thing you need to do!

After all, these are the people who you are going to get to know really well.

AND better yet should know you really well.

A lot of books and websites give you wonderful information about cancer, pathology reports, various treatments available, but they don't always tell you who to be talking to about the information.

It is important to know that if you have just found out you have cancer you most likely figured it out through your general physician or gynecologist.  They will help get you set up with the right people to run the various test you may need.  A biopsy being one of them - so a surgeon will most likely be one of the first people you are sent to.  

However I have found it rather surprising that that is as far as some people get.  

Your team of doctors will most likely consist of:

Surgeon

Medical Oncologist

Pathologist

Plastic Surgeon

Radiation Oncologist

Your list may also include a nutritionist, various support groups, and possibly a psyhcologist.

Personally I feel like at the time you select your surgeon you should also select an oncologist - whether this is the oncologist you stay with or not. An oncologist is a cancer doctor.  They will be the person who will best interpret your pathology report for you (which is key in determining what your medical treatment should be), they are the doctor who will create a treatment plan for you and make sure it is administered correctly.  They will become your best friend for a minimum of five years.  

You need to choose doctors who you like, trust, and are comfortable with.

Ask yourself:

Are they considerate of me?

Are they up to date on medical treatment options?

Do they view me as an individual with cancer and look for what is best for my type of cancer?

Are they informative and talk to me so that I understand?

I think it is also very important to point out that, although your general physician, family, and friends (as well as yourself) will want things to move as quickly as possible. Once you have a pathology report - You NEED to take the time to prepare your team of doctors and not just jump into a lumpectomy, mastectomy or any other surgery.  Once something has been done; often times too quickly and before you have fully prepared yourself with the right doctors, you loose options that may have been available to you but no longer are.

I also want to remind you that you have most likely had cancer longer than you think.  Waiting that extra week or two to have interviews with your doctors, ask them questions, get the answers you feel most comfortable with, and set up a team for you to spend the next several months, possibly years - is well worth the wait.  Never hesitate to ask for second opinions - your doctor should welcome that.  This is your body and most importantly your life.  After your surgery your doctor will return to his normal everyday routine.  You on the other hand will be living with it daily.

Do not allow someone who is only a small part of your cancer journey tell you what is best for you!

I was very blessed in this area - my doctors suggested an oncologist right from the start and together my oncologist and surgeon both agreed I needed treatment options that were not available to me with them.  BUT I was a very advanced stage III invasive cancer. 

 A lot of women who have stage I cancer are not sent onto an oncologist and therefore many of them don't really understand their pathology report.  They are scared of what the future may hold because they don't know enough about their cancer. Become your best advocate - read, learn!

Here are a couple of books I have found helpful information on forming a medical team:

Moments of Reflection

Today I sat down to check my emails and found I had a facebook link added to my timeline by one of my aunts.  I was of course curious and went straight way to the link.  

I was touched and overwhelmed with her sweet entry on her blog

 Knee Deep in Grace.  

As I read her post I couldn't help but remember the first time that I met her...she is married to my husband's uncle.  I am not even sure if I was married yet, but I do remember it was the first time I had met my husband's uncle and his family.  We were at another aunt's home with quite a few of us gathered for a family event.  My Aunt Penny had her brother with her and I remember how tentative she was to him and kind.  He was clearly in the process of his cancer treatment; tall, thin, and very comfortable with the mass of people.  I remember the thought crossing my mind that he was so young - really not much older than my husband and myself at the time.

I'm not sure why, but I even think of cancer as an illness you get when you are old.  When you see someone young it always has a significant impact on you.  It seems so out of order with the way we feel things should be.

So as I read I could not help but reflect on the many people who I have had in my life who have been effected by cancer.  Sadly there were quite a few.  Some old and some quite young, but all have become connected to me in a new way.

Finding cancer early is our best hope for successful outcomes.  

The best way to find it early is to know about it.

Take time to check it out...

The Loss of a Good Friend

Last week was, well a little overwhelming.  After a little more than 2 years I lost what had became my best friend.  No, I didn’t lose an actual real live friend, but I did lose something that had become very important to me – my port.  

Shortly after my mastectomy I received a power port prior to my chemo treatments.  I was horribly anxious about the procedure.  Even afterwards, I could simply think of the thing and physically get ill.  It seemed so strange and foreign - this small thing just under my skin that protruded up like a tracking device.  I remember the disturbing way it felt when I would put lotion on – I would hurry so as not to feel the little nubs. 

I never forgot it was there because with every shower, every change of clothes, or car ride it would inevitably get bumped, touched, or rubbed on.  But somehow the weirdness faded and I truly came to appreciate it as a precious gift. 
 This became the blessed spot for all my chemo injections, blood draws, die injections, anything that needed to come out or go in me for tests or treatments went via my port.  No more pricks and pokes trying to find a good vein.  No more bruised arms (or should I say arm, as I can only use my left arm for such things).  No more cold sweats trying not to pass out as the tech was trying to insert a small catheter in my arm.  (I do not have cooperative veins – at all!) Not to mention I had numbing cream to put on my skin – beautiful!  If anything was a blessing to me – this port was.

 But alas, last week I went in for some routine tests and my doctors discovered I had developed a blood clot at the end of my port catheter.  Needless to say, they scheduled surgery to have it removed immediately.  The next day I laid in the hospital using my port for the very last time as I had a blood thinner run through for two hours.  With a very kind surgeon (and Ativan and lots of Lidocaine), 5 hours later, my port was sitting on the table beside me.  I was all good to go – no additional blood thinners needed.

Now I have to adjust to being just normal (as you were treated very special by the chemo nurses who were the only ones allowed to access your port) and going to the general lab for blood draws.  Praying my veins will be cooperative, wondering if I can completely cover my arm in numbing cream, and trying to be brave for my upcoming scans.

I will admit, after the initial sadness, there is a part of me that feels like I have hit another milestone with the removal of my port.  For that I am happy.  Now if I can just get through September with what feels like a month full of tests and scans – all alone.

Stem Cell Breast Reconstruction

I wanted to share this short video with you... A few reasons; 1. I think this procedure is just amazing. 2. They share some important information regarding who is eligible. and 3. It mentions something important to know ahead of time - to request a skin and nipple sparing mastectomy WHEN & IF your skin is cancer free.

I was not able to have a skin sparing mastectomy, but a lot of women are.  I know sometimes Dr.'s as well as the patient are just so eager to get rid of any chance of cancer that they choose to remove everything.  Often times that is the best choice you have, but sometimes it might not be.  Take time to research your particular situation; tumor size, treatments required, reconstruction options, genetic testing, and talk frankly with your oncologist and surgeon.  More than likely, you have had your cancer for some time and waiting a week or two to take the time to make a decision you will be happy with for the long haul is more important than you can imagine.

Breaking Ground on Something Amazing

Wouldn't it be amazing if medical treatments could be as unique as each of us are? Well soon that could be a reality for cancer patients.  Some of you may have heard and even read about genetic fingerprinting.  Genetic fingerprinting takes into account that 1% of our DNA that makes us, well, who we are - separating us from everybody else.  Recently a study on breast cancer was released with regard to the genetic makeup of cancer cells.

In the study they found that breast cancer is really just an umbrella name to cover what they say can easily be divided into 10 different forms of cancer.   Professor Carlos Caldas, senior group leader at Cancer Research UK’s Cambridge Research Institute and the Department of Oncology, University of Cambridge, said: “Our results will pave the way for doctors in the future to diagnose the type of breast cancer a woman has, the types of drugs that will work, and those that won’t, in a much more precise way than is currently possible.  This research won’t affect women diagnosed with breast cancer today. But in the future, breast cancer patients will receive treatment targeted to the genetic fingerprint of their tumour." Source below in Scientists Re-Write...

If you'd like to read more here are two links to the study:

Study: Breast cancer not one disease, but 10 distinct diseases

Scientists Re-Write Rule Book on Breast Cancer in Landmark Global Study

Breast Reconstruction

I must say to you all - I have put off writing this particular post for quite some time.  I want to stay fairly positive with my blog, and breast reconstruction is a really hard subject for me.  But as I am moving forward with my checkpoints - it is the next thing down the line.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer I began to research every facet of the disease and the various procedures I would most likely have to undergo.  I still remember sitting at the computer and reading the descriptions of the various types of reconstruction.  As I reviewed a few of them I even told my husband I could not imagine why anyone would ever choose to do that.  Not that I didn't understand their desire to have the breast reconstruction, but why would you choose such a difficult surgery.  Little did I know at the time that it wasn't really their choice.

You see there are a few different options available; you can have immediate breast reconstruction with a skin sparing mastectomy, you can have implants with an expander during a later reconstruction, or there are FLAP procedures where the surgeon removes muscle and skin from other parts of your body and builds a new breast with it.   I have to say I have always been afraid of plastic surgery and had long told myself that I would just have to grow old gracefully because I could not bring myself to inflict pain upon myself.  Did I say I was a little afraid - I mean seriously scared.

Prior to my mastectomy my husband and I met with my oncologist, surgeon, and plastic surgeon.  I must say I was a bit naive when I went to see the plastic surgeon - I just wasn't aware of how naive.  As he began to explain various procedures and show pictures he kept indicating that that wasn't an option for me and would flip on to the next one.  For a brief moment I couldn't hear him as he spoke. I could only recall the images I had seen online, and a voice in my head telling me "it's going to be that awful procedure isn't it".  When my head cleared and I again joined the conversation, I heard just what I thought I would.  Because of the size of my tumor and my need for radiation - I would have to select a FLAP procedure. 

I can tell you that I had to put a lid on that package and hide it on the shelf for quite some time because of my intense fear of this procedure.  It is hard to find stories of people in my particular situation and my research brought me little or no comfort.  Yet I am optimistic with the new studies and advancements in breast reconstruction, and am sure at some point I will make a choice I feel good about.

For now I have my prosthesis and wear it occasionally - mostly in my swimsuit.  They are hot and the band of the bra still bothers my radiated skin. A lot of people choose to never have reconstruction, I may not.  But, I will tell you that of all the aspects of moving forward it is emotionally very hard to know that a part of you is missing that truly seems to embody what we think of as feminine and defines us as women.  I don't always miss my breasts, but it is pretty odd to not have nipples.

There are several informative sites on breast reconstruction which I will share with you as well as a beautiful photo journal I would like to share.  I'm hoping that it will not offend you, but will instead help you to better understand a woman with breast cancer.

The Scar Project

Breast Reconstruction 

I also found this video very informative, but it is a very long one;

Radiation

I can remember almost to date when I finished my chemo and radiation.  Not so much because they were so significant, although they were, but because I seemed to finish up on holidays.

I finished my last radiation treatment one year ago today.  I can hardly believe it.  Radiation for me was, well a little scary.  I still remember the first day.  I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, but as the male technician came in to get me set up in my mold, I knew it wasn't that.  I remember holding back tears of nervousness and embarrassment as I lay as still as I could.  It wasn't long though that I came to love my two technicians, Gene and Bonita.  They were so very kind and that made all the difference in the world.

After my surgery and chemotherapy, I had to have 33 treatments of radiation to the right side of my chest and shoulder area.  By the end some areas were pretty burnt, but I was surprised at how well it healed.

There are different types and reasons people have radiation.  Here is a link that explains them in better detail - Types of Radiation.

I found a few things that helped me a lot during my treatment - one was of course Aloe.  Fresh aloe that I kept in the refrigerator was wonderful as was Aloe 99.

Another skin saver was Lindi Skin Cooler Roll. This was a gel like sheet that you cut to fit the size you needed and applied directly to the skin.  I kept this in the refrigerator as well, so it was nice and cool.  I was amazed at the amount of heat it would pull from the radiated area.

I also had a prescription for biofene - I loved this stuff.

I would take naps every day and drank cold water constantly.

My skin is pretty sensitive to begin with, but during radiation your skin becomes very sensitive to touch and the rubbing of fabric.  I hunted all over for soft cotton shirts that didn't have side seams or seams that hit on my collar bone. For me I found it more comfortable to have a snug fitting tank under my shirt.  I didn't like when my skin would rest on skin (underneath your arm).  It seemed to produce heat and want to stick together.

I can also tell you from experience that as the burns begin to heal, they are much like any other serious burn - your skin will peel.  Be very careful, your clothes can stick to it and pull the skin off - not good!  I had to keep a sterile gauze over mine at the very end and sometimes would have to let water run over it to soften and release it without pulling away the skin.

Happy New Year!

Time is an interesting thing - don't you think? It moves so quickly with things like our children growing older or vacations that you never want to end, oh and of course birthdays come much to quickly, yet other things seem to linger on indefinitely.

I can hardly believe another year has past.  I have to say, I do miss having a little one in the house - my son seems so grown up now. Our vacations did not last long enough and I have officially moved into a new decade with my last birthday.  (Although I am not complaining as I am happy to have had it!)

I can't say I have any real New Year's resolutions, but I am still in the process of reinventing myself - if you can call it that.  I know I can never return to what I used to be, but I am optimistic that the new person I will transform into will be something better.

So I am updating the look of my blog, ever so slightly, and am hoping that each month I will have some valuable information to share with you.

Many wishes to you all for a  
prosperous and healthy New Year!

Testing...

I am very happy to share that my report went well.  I had a variety of tests this past week and so far it is looking pretty good.  My tumor markers were well within range and my PET scan did not indicate any recurrence.  My CT scan did find a couple of things, one of which was on my last scan and then a new one.

It is a mixed feeling of relief - when everything looks good, but a test finds "spots".  OK, so what are the spots?  Are they going to develop into something at some point? Then you have to tell yourself; "Just enjoy this and stop looking so far ahead!" And really I do tell myself that, but then my curiosity gets the better of me and I start to research my tests results.  I use the phrase knowledge is power from time to time on my postings, and I believe that.  But I can also tell you that sometimes too much information can just plain freak you out - or at least me.

While I was researching my test results I found it very interesting that tumor markers are different for different types of cancers.  So I thought I would share the link;  Specific Tumor Markers

I also am on a routine schedule of having a PET/CT scan every four months for my first year out of treatment.  So, I will have my next scan in March of 2012.  There is a lot of debate about having the scans too frequently and I am happy that my oncologist takes that into consideration, but being a high risk cancer patient, it is important to monitor any changes.  I am just fine with that.

Here is a good link that explains the test and what the difference is, as you can have one without the other.  PET/CT Scan

Triple Negative

If I were playing the slots, three in a row could be a good thing – right? What are the odds of that!  Pretty exciting, no?

Well alright, obviously I am not talking about casino games and sadly in this case, it’s not such a good thing.

Triple negative has to do with the type of breast cancer you have.  It refers to the part of your pathology report that indicates if you are PR, ER or HER2 positive or negative.  And for those of you who may not have read my post on pathology reports, it has to do with what makes your cancer grow.  The ER is the Estrogen Receptor, PR is the Progesterone Receptor, and the HER2 receptor is a protein found on the surface of certain cancer cells.  

All three of these indicate what makes (and how) your cancer grow.  If you know what makes your cancer grow, you can find successful ways to treat it.

Triple Negative refers to all three ER, PR, and HER2 being negative and it is probably a breast cancer patient’s worst nightmare.  10-20 % of breast cancers are triple negative, so that’s about 1 out of 10. BUT triple negative is most commonly found in younger women under 40 or 50.  And according to various research for women in the USA, women under 40 have a 1 in 233 or .43% chance of developing breast cancer.  So that 1 out of 10 just became a little more prevalent.

This was a small miracle for me.  I did not have triple negative breast cancer.  For awhile reports indicated I was triple positive, but again small miracle here, I was not.  My husband’s step mother however did.  It can be a pretty scary thing. Triple negative is a faster growing and typically a higher grade cancer than most.  As well, it does not respond to some traditional treatment methods.

For many young women this can be a devastating reality.  I don’t know what is the right option for screening and early detection in women under 40, but surely learning all we can to recognize our risk and what those are is a good step.

Here are a few good links that better explain.

How Triple-Negative Breast Cancer Behaves and Looks 
You CAN Survive Triple-Negative  

Giving Thanks

Yesterday we had a lesson on gratitude at church and I couldn’t help but think of all the many things I have to be thankful for. I love this time of year; the weather changes, the scenery changes, it just feels good to get outside.  This morning I was able to take a nice deep breath and enjoy the time change.  I went for a walk while it was still cool outside with my mom and sister.  It is a good day!  I feel very blessed to have my family near me.

November seems to be the month that we all think of the things that we are thankful for, but this year it is much more for me.  I had my last chemo treatment the Monday before Thanksgiving last year.  I can hardly believe I am reaching so many of my year marks.  I also have two big tests lined up this month and will finally be able to know if I am cancer free.  I have to admit I feel a bit anxious.  To think of starting over or having more surgery is a bit overwhelming.  So I am going to stay positive and hope for the best.

Regardless though, I have never been more blessed and am thankful to be at this stage of my journey.